'Still I rise'


To kick off today's post, I thought I'd start with the lovely words from Maya Angelou.

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise ...


I hope you are all having a wonderful week so far and staying as positive as you can in the tough times.

I finally got the chance to wear this lovely green Asos dress, which let me tell you, is a feat to get on and off. It's a very thick material, which can be tough to stretch, but once it's on, woah is it a showstopper. It's incredibly accentuating and sexy, which are the two things a girl can only hope her dress will do for her.



I felt this outfit was the perfect one to wear for my "soap box" post. If you don't feel like reading, then you can stop here, after the outfit details. I promise to go back to my happy demeanor immediately following this, but I have to get this off of my chest.

(Dress is from Asos' standard line. Shoes from Forever 21)




This is generally not in my character and I don't plan to say this more than once. After today, it's back to my regularly scheduled program. But if you're one of those lovely people who have been leaving or plan to leave me (or any other person who is just living their lives) rude emails or comments, well dolls, this is for you.
You can say all of the nasty, rude, hardly imaginative or even creative comments about me being fat or gross or lazy or not cute or whatever you can conjure up. But, I am not a victim.

While an army of internet commenters and women who are comparing themselves desperately to one another to determine who is smaller (and therefore better) goes on and on about women who look like me, I laugh to myself every time. Because at the size that I am, I look like many, if not most, American women. For some, it's a cold hard truth. For others, it's simply just the way it is. With all do love and respect I say, if you don't like something about yourself or your appearance, then change it. Otherwise, get over it and stop bothering the rest of us with your ridiculous observations.

I am tired of seeing this "us vs them" mentality. The "she's pretty BUT" or "she looks nice "BUT" followed by, she's too fat, too thin type mantra. Why do we care if a woman is a size 8 or 28? Why do we have to comment on every photograph of a woman about whether she is plus size enough or too skinny or too fat or needs to go to the gym? When did women become so battered by society that they have turned into the abusers?

I say with certainty that so much of this comes from victim mentality. I have been there and I understand it. But there is a difference between pointing out oppression and discrimination and resigning yourself to just wallow in your circumstance. Or worse, to lash out at someone else because you are unhappy.

Those of you who know my story know that I have been bigger and I have been smaller. In the past few months, my body has changed from working out regularly (shout out to the girl who thought she "got" me by telling me to go to gym. So clever of you to call a plus size model fat!) I advocate for all women, but there is a special place in my heart for women struggling with eating disorders and their bodies. I know that body issues are deep-rooted, vicious leaches on our happiness. But to blame your insecurity on the number on the scale or on your jeans is to merely scratch the surface. If only it were that simple.

The bottom line is that I am more than a size. I do not walk around every day dwelling on the fact that the number on my jeans is double digits. I don't introduce myself as "Plus Size Allie." I am just me. I happen to have black hair. I happen to have a birthmark on my face. I happen to have sensitive skin. I also just HAPPEN TO BE this size right now.  It is a characteristic. It is a size. It is not my identity. I might change it or I might not. But you need to let it go.

I do not feel that society can shun me or tell me I can't do something because of my size. They can try all they want, but I refuse to be broken. I have been through that fire. I have been over a toilet with my finger down my throat. I have been to a dark place where in my mind the world is against me. But I changed my mind a long time ago. To conquer your own demons is a massive hurdle and a lifelong battle. I still stumble. But I refuse to place limits on myself and I refuse to be relegated to where someone else THINKS I belong.

I have God in my life, a great career, a man that loves me for ME (and not my size), a home, wonderful friends, an amazing family, a closet I love, goals, dreams and values. These are not dictated by my size.

Rest assured, it plays no role.

When I go to a store, I don't stay out of a department or a section because of my size. When I walk in a room, I am not worrying about whether or not people are trying to guess my size (they usually get it wrong anyway). It's not the first thought on my brain when I wake up, nor is the last. It's a non-factor in how I feel about the person I am fundamentally. Shocking? Maybe. True? Absolutely.

I'm not crippled. I'm not diseased. I'm not weak. I'm not emotionally damaged. I'm not a circus freak. I'm not a fetish. I'm not someone to feel sorry for. I don't need your help. I don't need you to motivate me. I don't need your diet tips. I'm not flattered when you point out whether you think I've "lost some weight." I don't need your fashion advice on how to find clothes to cover me up. I don't need you to marvel at how I find "such cute clothes for my size." I'm not dressing "so cute for a plus size girl" and I'm not a "pretty face" with so much potential if I'd just lose a few pounds. I'm a confident, complicated, driven, slightly neurotic woman who sees herself as more than an exception to society's rules. I am me and I am powerful.

I am not a victim. And if you see me as one, well then I feel sorry for you because you won't see me coming until the dust of your defeat by my big, plus size butt is blowing in your face.


CONVERSATION

35 comments:

The Notorious ZAG said...

KUDOS to this post. It's fantastic. Allie, I honestly don't know who or what in the hell has been saying anything to you, but let me just say for the record, you are one of the most beautiful, and baddest women I have seen, period. And if that wasn't true then I wouldn't say it. I mean, you are BAD. And I'm sure detractors are probably just fueled by their jealousy, because honestly... what is the point in saying someone is too fat or looks bad or needs to work out? Keep that shit to yourself. There is a such thing as constructive criticism (perhaps something like, I love that dress but you should think about wearing a statement necklace next time) and just plain old ignorance (ugh, you're disgusting and have no business in that dress you fat pig!) What's in someone's heart that they could express the latter? Why is anyone out to try and hurt the feelings of another human being on purpose? It's sick... anyway. You look fantastic and that dress does amazing thangs to your body. I love the color too, it's my favorite. Keep on slaying em dead girl. You are nothing short of fabulous.

Quierstina said...

PREACH! I agree 100%

griselangel said...

Amen

Tamara said...

Beautiful to the point of tears! A room mate of mine reposted this on FB and I was like, DANG I wish I looked like her! But by the end of this post, I am simply proud and empowered to look like ME. Because no one else looks like ME or has a body like ME. I am an individual and somewhere in the world someone is looking at me and saying "DANG, I wish I looked like her!" :) You're amazing!!

Neerellyn said...

Queen!

Rochelle said...

Boom!

CurvesColorSparkle said...

woman I want ur curves!!! however, u inspire me to love ME! and to embrace my body shape... u are inspirational FULL STOP! xx

Ticka said...

As I sit on my lunch break, eatting my Teriyaki chicken wings with a side of steamed broccoli, I am clapping my hands off! lol VERY well said. I'm sure you weren't trying to do this intentionally, but you just wrote the mantra for women who are falling into being/feeling like the victim. The last paragraph that started with "I am not crippled." was EVERYTHING!! We are all works in progress. One no better/greater than the other.

Love the dress! It doesn't look heavy at all, and the color on you is stunning.

Entitled said...

Say that!

estroJen said...

"I am me and I am powerful" excellent post :) keep inspiring!!

Donielle Michele said...

YES.......AMEN!!!!!! We are not our dress size, period!

NaturallyFashionable said...

Well said...I agree that I am no one's victim! I don't mind bring called plus size, big, or whatever because my goal is to identify with women who once felt as low as I did about being overweight! I agree being plus sized does not define me or what God has destined me to be! Great post Allie...you are just lovely!

MELISSA WARD said...

Wow amazing uplifting post, you motivate all of us your story is a bit like mine and now I can say I love myself and all my curves bravo to you dear bravo :)

Jazz said...

Reading this made me feel even better about myself. I have friends that envy my style and care nothing about my size. I love me, and i couldn't have said that without the help of your blog.

CayceShea said...

BOOM! Nuff said...you are FABULOUS in all ways!!

OnTheEdgeDiva said...

I love this post! It is awesome!! I get tired of the "you dress nice to be your size" and "you have such a beautiful face" The bottom line is beauty and style are just that! I am fabulous, eat it. And so are you, well written and DIRECTLY to the point.

Lace N Leopard said...

Now..this right here!!!! I swear this is giving me all types of life!!! Love it :)

www.lacenleopard.com

Candyce Nicole said...

You're gorgeous from head to toe. It's clear that whoever says or thinks otherwise is insane.

Nisa said...

I simply <3 you

Jennifer aka. Jasifer said...

So inspiring and well said!! I totally agree to a 110%! I love that you shared this with us all!

SassyHunay said...

Amen I agree 200%!

Ana Konda said...

MESSAGE TO THE UGLY MINDS THAT WRITE TO US,THE BIG BEAUTYS: DO NOT CARE WITH OUR SIZE, AND CARE ABOUT YOUR SOUL. THATS THE atitude. ALLIE, ADMIRE YOU AND YOUR BLOG POSTS my passion, BEAUTIFUL

Ana Konda said...

AND ALLIE: THX SO MUCH.

Dori said...

"I also just HAPPEN TO BE this size right now. It is a characteristic. It is a size. It is not my identity."
You better preach! This essay gave me chills and tears! Thank you for this.

Pretty Dark Girl Style said...

You "Dropped The Mic" on this one... Keep on doing you in the fabulous way that you always have!!!

Toni

Ariane Patrice said...

Wonderfully put. I remember how pissed I was with some of the commenters on your Fashion Bombshell of the day post on FashionBombDaily. People really can be full of themselves and their "right" to express their opinions regardless of how disrespectful it is.

SRS said...

GOD. thank you so much for saying this. it really blows my mind that someone as absolutely stunning as you has people saying shit like that to you you, but haters gon' hate.

i actually just had this horrible experience literally 10 minutes go in the grocery store in harlem, where this woman straight up turned around and told me i needed a personal trainer and gave me her card. i felt so ashamed and angry, then i promptly called her back and told her off, told her i didn't need her to judge my body, and as hard as it may be for her to believe, i think that i am beautiful even if i don't fit her mold of beauty (i just wrote about this in my blog).

anyway, it's exactly what i needed to hear tonight, and i really appreciate you speaking out. we all need to continue to speak out against body shaming, both in public and on the blogosphere. please just know that we have your back, and those ignorant folks ain't got shit on you. <3

xoxoxoxoxoxo
sarah rose
zezaftig.blogspot.com

Virtuousbeauty said...

Yes Yes yes! You go girl!

mommysnyadventures said...

I just found your blog and I'm happy I did you are now my favorite blogger with those word u have inspired me god bless u. You are beautiful inside out..


Mommysnyadventures.com my blog

Sistabigbone said...

You go girl. I have always thought you are beautiful. This post just confirmed it.

kimmydadiva said...

I recently found your blog from a IG picture posted and admire your fashion fabulosity and reading this post just skyrocketed my admiration for you. You have in the most classy manner told these 'cold souls' that your fabulousity reign won't let up. Thank you for the inspiration.

Palachewing said...

Wow, you look hot and you're just killing it. Respect.

~PanzellJewelry

Jeanette said...

She absolutely SAID THAT, okay? 100% Pure Love over here...!

TheMochaPeach said...

i just happened to stumble across your blog. OMG..you are stunning!! seriously. Thanks for sharing your style...and I did link you to my Pinterest and my blog roll for Monday. You're amazing..everyone needs to follow you. I'm trying to lose weight but you make me feel GREAT about being the size I am now.

Ame Eveillee said...

This post has made my day, I think I might have to print it out and hold onto it! You are completely right, and if only every woman could realise what you have, we'd all be happier! You're gorgeous btw and total outfit inspiration!
Thanks!
Niy,
ameeveillee.blogspot.com

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