Are You a Resident of Planet Facebook?

Ladies and gentlemen, repeat the following affirmations after me:

Facebook is not reality.

Just because someone has more friends than me doesn’t mean they are a celebrity and I am not.

I will not base my self-worth on how many comments I get.

Everyone’s life seems better on Facebook.

It’s something that we all do but none of us will ever discuss: we put entirely too much emphasis on Facebook.

Now before you give me the side eye and think about how much you want to scream “shut up heffa!” at me, I will make a confession: I am guilty of it too.
The truth is that we have all done it. Facebook is a tabloid for regular people. And let’s face it, we all love some juicy gossip.

It’s how we find out what’s going on with our friends. Who our ex is dating. If we are cuter than said ex’s new honey dip (we always are of course!). How we catch up with the lives we want professionally and the people we admire. How we make ourselves feel better when we realize we’re doing better than the popular girl from high school. How we validate our own accomplishments.

Unfortunately, the ugly flip side is that it often becomes the tool for how we decide to feel about ourselves that week. Because the minute we see someone doing something positive in their own lives and we know we have been slacking, all of a sudden the guilt comes rolling on down like an old pair of Spanx after a big dinner. (Lol, sorry for the visual).

Let’s say you’re working your butt off and nothing is happening for you. Or you’re single and actively trying to find a new main squeeze but the prospects are bleak. Then comes some heffa on your newsfeed with EXACTLY what you want. How dare she?? Even if you like them, you find yourself giving them the side eye. Before they know it, their success has earned them a dreaded spot on the “hide” list. And then comes the whispers and the badmouthing. Before you know it, you can’t stop yourself from talking about so and so and how she thinks she is all that.

“Did you see what she put on Facebook? Who does this fool think she is?”

Now, in the interest of full disclosure, I confess that hide people too. (That line above may or may not be my own words from an email I sent to my girls … oopsies)

Because let’s be real, some people take it too far the OTHER way and start to become celebrities in their own minds. Some of you probably know who you are. If you think it might be you, chances are, it has been at one time or another. There’s nothing wrong with promoting yourself. Trust me,  as the girl without an agent/manager/PR team for years, I have promoted the crap outta myself. And, I have a public page for my blog and my work on Facebook myself. But I don't operate under any illusions about who I am.

Because guess what lovies? Pretending to be a celebrity on Facebook won’t make you one any faster.

Sorry, boos.

With nothing but love and positivity, I say to you: Some of you cross the line. You probably shouldn’t refer to your friends as your “fans.” Lots of you have ACTUAL FANS and that’s amazing for you. But you needn’t confuse everyone on your list with the people who are your actual fans.

Trust me. Your neighbors, colleagues, cousins and exes probably don’t appreciate it.

Bottom line: Being a Facebook celebrity and an actual celebrity are two very, very different things.

The other day an out-of-work magazine writer friend of mine confessed to me that she had to “hide” me because I had exactly the kind of job she wanted and she just couldn’t take seeing the things I did. I was so taken aback by it that it made me tear up while she told me about it. Was I committing the cardinal offense of Facebook Celebrity? Were my posts so annoying that I had earned a spot on The Great List of People Who Suck on Facebook? WAS I THE GIRL WE HATE??????

I admit it, I have an amazing job. I really do. I am very blessed. But I work really hard. Really, really, really hard. And I appreciate what I have been given and thank God for it daily, but honey child, I am NOT living the perfect life.

To be clear:

I interview celebrities. I am not one of them.

I have a great job and health benefits and all that jazz, but there are still weeks I eat ramen noodles to make rent (damn you, shopping addiction!)

I interview rich people, I am not one of them.  Yet. (You see what I did there?)

I am really proud of the work I do and I will continue to promote it. That doesn’t mean that I think I am better than anyone (except maybe my boyfriend's exes, my ex's girlfriends and my jr high bullies, mmkay?)

I’m a big proponent of what my college mentor called “Faking it til you make it.” And lots of people do that. So it’s important NOT TO FORGET that fact the next time you think someone is living the perfect life based on their status updates. Step back and realize that their little 200 character post is not reflective of the whole picture. Just as you are, they too are trying to find peace within themselves.

Stop talking about your haters. Stop talking about people who stalk you. We all stalk each other. It’s why Stalkbook is successful. Complain privately to friends and family, don’t post it as your status. Stop judging your self-worth on other people’s lives. Because at the end of the day, my loves, their success doesn’t cancel out your own. Your life won’t end if you don’t ever pass your friends. 

And, shuga,  nobody ever got rich from a Facebook status.

With that I leave you with one of my favorite quotes:

“Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.”

Yes, dolls, even the Facebook celebrities.

Now go ahead and tell your friends on Facebook how awesome my blog is so I can feel good about myself! Kthxbye!



Unknown said...

hahaha I love love love this!!! jus the kinda affirmation i needed, that voice i needed in my head to b a bit louder and remind me that not all is what it seems! thank u!
by the way I really love your blog and you r my inspiration when Im runnin out of ______(insert any word of feeling low in self esteem)

thanks again

Lola Darling said...

I thouroughly enjoyed this post, it wasn't at all facecious, matter of fact it was very necessary and funny at the same time. Some people are living vicariously through their facebook friends it's like keeping up with the joneses for FB..This is just confirmation!


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